Becoming uncomprehensible for myself..

Every thing I thought about the system, most of the things that I understood of various elements present in the system, every rule I had invented for myself to deal with different things, most of the principles I had decided to abide by, almost everything has turned out to be different or not in the way I percieved them in some or all respects.

On a real bad day when I work for more than 12 hrs and get really tired I get annoyed about the speed of work done by my subordinates, I question the ways we do various activitites, I expect responses in a particular way and become fussy on not getting them in that format. At the end of it I form some perception and retire for the day. On the very next day I myself refute my understanding formed on the previous day. I become more accomodative, more gregarious and altogether a different man. This is just the simplest example of non-confirmity to consistensy of my nature/behaviour or my previous perception. Other examples where I have refuted my established understanding belong to various exams, persons (very close/close/strangers), work, food, my own interests,.......

Why dose this happen? Why the understanding or perception formed on the previous day or sometime in the past months/years dose not answer my today's questions and fail to be partially or completely applicable? The understanding/analysis can't be spurious as it answers my questions for that day and you can't expect them to become so much obsolete in a day that they fail to be applicable.

So now the task in front of me seems to be finding that right way of looking at things. Because it would be very embarrassing and remorseful to know that the whole perception was skewed when I will be on my death bed. After living life this far I doubt if I will be able to get that right angle towards things. Dont take this last statement as my pessimism but take it as the extrapolation of life experienced till date.

Blog Migrated from RediffIland....(17Jan07)